Flesh Guitar Read online

  Copyright

  First published in the United States in 1999 by

  The Overlook Press, Peter Mayer Publishers, Inc.

  141 Wooster Street

  New York, NY 10012

  www.overlookpress.com

  Copyright © 1998 by Geoff Nicholson

  All Rights Reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, including photocopy, recording, or any information storage and retrieval system now known or to be invented, without permission in writing from the publisher, except by a reviewer who wishes to quote brief passages in connection with a review written for inclusion in a magazine, newspaper, or broadcast.

  ISBN 978-1-46830-539-5

  Contents

  Copyright

  Havoc

  A Putative Early Life

  Dick

  Meanwhile Back At The Bar

  The Jenny Slade Interview

  Last Night I Wrecked A Dj’s Life

  Kurt Never Sleeps

  Performance Notes

  A Gig Like Alice

  Beauty Tips With Jenny Slade

  Conduct Unbecoming

  Forty Guitar Solos For Jenny Slade, Composed By Tom Scorn

  Quarter To Three …

  The Record Library Of Babel

  Lemon-Squeezing Time

  One Hand Tapping

  Performance Notes

  Groupie Guy

  Being Fran

  Willing Flesh

  Guitarmorphosis

  Twins

  Beauty Tips With Jenny Slade:

  Nude Guitar Girls

  Performance Notes – Shimmers

  A Hard Day In The Life

  An Experience

  More Film Fun

  Death And The Percussionist

  Caged Skronk

  Last Disorders

  Trashed Choirs

  The girl bent over her guitar,

  An axeman of sorts. The day was green.

  They said, ‘You have a flesh guitar,

  You do not play things as they are.’

  The ‘girl’ replied, ‘Jesus Christ, everybody’s

  a fucking critic these days. Go and make your

  own album if you feel that way about it, why

  doncha?’

  HAVOC

  She throws open the door and walks into an end-of-the-world watering hole called the Havoc Bar and Grill, a converted research laboratory somewhere on the outer fringes of the metropolis. She is carrying a guitar. Its case looks ordinary enough. It is scuffed and well-travelled, her name – JENNY SLADE – is stencilled on the side, and it has a few old stickers for amp and effects manufacturers, but there is nothing about the case that gives any hint of what’s inside.

  The bar’s decor is early post-nuclear holocaust; exposed pipes and ducting, mutilated concrete, buckled metal furniture. The customers might have been specially designed to match. The crowd is male, drunk, aggressive, misogynistic, and adolescent in mind, if not in age. They all lack a certain something: good looks, teeth, fingers, brain cells. Undifferentiated hostility hangs over them like a cloud of swamp gas. Behind the bar a waif-like barmaid does her best to keep the rabble in check, at least while they’re ordering their drinks. The badge on her white T-shirt says she’s called Kate.

  One of the drinkers looks at Jenny Slade and says, ‘Hey, the stripper’s arrived,’ but even he knows it’s not a good joke. She doesn’t look at all like a stripper. She doesn’t look much like a guitar player either. Oh sure, she has the beat-up leather jacket and the motorcycle boots. And she has the cheekbones and the mess of wild hair, but she isn’t posing as some kind of guitar heroine. She isn’t playing at being tough. She looks strong but not hard-bitten. She looks self-possessed and able to take care of herself, but that hasn’t destroyed’ an essential sensitivity and vulnerability, even a fragility. Jenny looks over her feral audience and smiles. She’s played far more difficult rooms than this one.

  She can’t remember a time when she didn’t play the guitar. She was the kind of kid who sat alone in Dad’s garage, yanking weird noise out of a plywood cheese-grater guitar. That might have been considered a strange thing for a good-looking teenage girl to be doing, but she had always been far beyond that kind of suburban nonsense.

  Even back then she liked to think of herself as a relentless experimentalist. She employed what she only learned later was called ‘extended technique’. She could play conventionally enough when the gig required it, but at other times she attacked the guitar with hammers, box spanners, nail guns, adzes, spokeshaves. She would dangle house keys, six-inch nails, rusty razor blades, spark plugs, nipple clamps, from the strings. She loved feedback, distortion, sheer noise. She liked to abuse both guitar and equipment. She knew this wasn’t going to get her into the charts but it made her happy, and if it didn’t always make her audiences happy that was OK, since for a long time she seldom had an audience.

  She orders a beer from the barmaid and props the guitar case against the bar. The manager of the Havoc, a bald, bearded ex-biker, comes over and asks, ‘What kind of axe you got in there?’

  ‘It’s custom made.’

  ‘Yeah? Can you play it?’

  ‘Yes, thanks,’ she says.

  ‘Tell you what,’ he says, with what he takes to be a devilish glint in his eyes, ‘the beer’s on the house if you can get up on the stage and keep my customers entertained for a couple of numbers.’

  ‘Oh, I can do that,’ she says, and her face says that she can do a lot more besides.

  The barman tells her she can plug into an old Brand X ten-watt amplifier, miked into the house PA. He admits it isn’t an ideal arrangement, but it’s fine by her. She knows that in the end it isn’t a matter of equipment.

  By now the crowd is taking quite an interest. They’re too hip in their malevolence actively to taunt her, but they leave their seats and the pool table, and they crowd in around the bar’s tiny stage, their body language challenging her to impress them.

  She stands on the stage, looking suddenly much smaller and younger. She still hasn’t taken the guitar out of its case, but now she snaps open the clasps. There’s a noise like a sigh, and a wisp of what looks like steam, or maybe even hot breath, billows from the case.

  She reaches inside and takes out this thing. Well yes, you’d have to admit it was a guitar, but none of these drinkers, these lovers of good ol’ rock and roll, has ever seen one like this before. The neck is made out of some kind of unnaturally lustrous metal, so shiny it almost has a glow to it. It is long and thick, and convincingly phallic. The strings run along its length, ultra light, ultra malleable, and end at the machine heads in a lethal-looking tangle of spikes and cogs and chains.

  But this is the orthodox bit of the guitar. It’s the body that defies belief. It is shaped like an amoeba, which is to say that it’s curvy but essentially shapeless; and it appears at first glance to be made out of some sort of tan-coloured plastic. But the more you look, the less it appears to be plastic at all. In fact it looks more like a piece of soft, private flesh, and in places there are growths of hair bursting out in thick, black, irregular tufts. There are blemishes that on a piece of wood might look like knots, but here they look disturbingly like nipples, and the pickups look like three parallel bands of livid scar tissue.

  ‘Hey, what do you call that sucker?’ someone yells.

  ‘I call it a guitar,’ Jenny Slade answers quietly.

  She straps it on, this instrument that looks part deadly weapon and part creature from some alien lagoon. She plugs a lead into a deep orifice in the thing’s surface, and the bar manager takes the other end of the lead and runs it into the amp.

  Without tuning up she grabs th
e neck at the seventh fret, holds down a fairly straightforward-looking chord, and picks out a lazy arpeggio with her plectrum hand. Well, the guitar isn’t in standard tuning, that’s for sure. The chord contains all kinds of weird harmonies, unisons, octaves, diminished sevenths, augmented fourths, suspended ninths. In fact it sounds like the richest, most complicated chord anyone has ever heard. And that guitar has absolutely incredible sustain. She’s barely touched the strings and yet the whole room is filled with that dense, ringing, fluid sound. It’s not so very loud, yet it demands absolute attention. It isn’t a sound you could dance to exactly but it sure keeps you on your feet.

  And as the music hangs in the air the guitar tone is not a wholly pleasant sound. It has elements of feedback in it, elements of white noise, of grunge and skronk. And yet it remains listenable and utterly compelling. Nobody’s walking out of this performance.

  It is a truth universally acknowledged that when somebody comes on stage and makes horrible noise with, say, a saxophone, the audience tends to dismiss the performance as ‘just a load of fucking about’. Whereas when somebody comes on stage and makes horrible noise with an electric guitar, the audience is far more likely to say, ‘Holy moly! Ruined cities of sonic mayhem! Give me more!’ One day Jenny thinks she may come to understand the reason for this, but for now she’s happy just to take advantage of the fact.

  She might have stayed a bedroom guitarist all her life if it hadn’t been for a dream she had. It was the last of a series. Often these dreams were full of frustration; she would be on stage playing an electric guitar in front of an audience and something would always be wrong. Sometimes she couldn’t get the guitar in tune, sometimes it was too quiet to be heard, sometimes the lead from the guitar to the amplifier was too short to be usable.

  But this final dream was different in several ways. In this one she didn’t even get as far as going on stage, and yet there was no frustration. She simply arrived at a strange hall in a strange town and outside was a poster advertising her presence. The poster said, ‘The Flesh Guitar of Jenny Slade’, and there was a crowd of thousands trying to get into the hall.

  She liked the name. Even in the dream it seemed kind of absurd and funny, and she knew how important a catchy name is for entry-level rock musicians. Next day she set about forming a band, Jenny Slade and the Flesh Guitars; and sure enough she did eventually see her name on a poster, and even occasionally saw crowds of people going into a hall.

  It was not in the strictest sense a prophetic dream. Yes, it did forecast what was to happen, but only because Jenny made it happen. But if she hadn’t had the dream perhaps it would never have happened at all.

  Mostly her early fantasy life didn’t come so directly from the unconscious. Some of it was just playing around in front of a mirror, some of it was just rock and roll teen dreams. She imagined performing under the name of Juanita and Her Musical Snakes. She would come on stage with a Gibson Moderne and half a dozen boa constrictors of various ages, lengths and diameters. The more sedate of these would grip themselves around the guitar neck and hold down unresolved chord shapes, while the younger more slender critters would squirm across the strings creating wild atonal arpeggios. The liveliest snake, whom she nicknamed Fidel, would curl himself around the tremolo arm and create a profound and unworldly vibrato. The audience would love it. But even in the fantasy Jenny was aware that this was just a novelty act, and she wanted more than that.

  Another fantasy: If a guitar is cranked up high enough, with the amp, and pickups and fuzz box all sex on maximum, even the slightest vibration, a knock on the body, the mere act of picking up the instrument will produce noise. In one of her earliest, most radical pieces Jenny’s playing consisted of no more than blowing on her guitar strings.

  In the fantasy she imagines she is in an empty, desolate landscape, strapped into a kind of wheeled electric chair. The wheels fit on to railway tracks, and there is a powerful engine attached to the back of the chair. She is holding a guitar, and it is cranked up so that every breath of wind sets the strings roaring. A wireless transmitter sends signals from the pickups to a mountainous wall of amps and speakers set up some distance away.

  When the moment comes, the engine will propel the chair along the railway track, and the rush of air will make the guitar whine; then, when the track runs out, like in some Roadrunner cartoon, she will be propelled into space, into a vast, deep canyon, still strapped to the chair, still clutching the guitar. And as she falls through the air the guitar screams and sings, and she knows that when she and guitar eventually hit the ground, the most wild, eloquent and destructive music will issue from the speakers.

  And finally there is the fantasy of playing to a crowd of fierce, low-brow, blue-collar yobs; but the Havoc Bar and Grill is all too real, no fantasy at all.

  Jenny’s guitar continues to fill the place. Her playing remains simple and unostentatious. She hardly seems to be doing anything, scarcely playing at all, and yet this strange, wonderful music continues to spill from the guitar. The music gets ever more complex and darker, gets louder and louder, and before long it seems to be the sound of planets melting, of death factories imploding, of mythical beasts being slaughtered, the sound of air moving and valves dying. It goes on and on, timelessly, constant, yet ever changing.

  And as the crowd watches, increasingly spellbound, the guitar seems to develop a life of its own. It seems to be breathing, to be pulsing with its own heartbeat. And then the finale. Just when you can’t imagine how Jenny Slade can possibly embellish or prolong the music, and when you can’t see how she’s ever going to bring it to a conclusion, the guitar starts to bleed. Thick warm blood starts to ooze from the scar tissue of the pickups, trickles down the guitar’s body, makes dark, scattered blots on the stage.

  It’s a hard act to follow. The audience is silent, but gives Jenny what she wants and needs; unqualified, undivided attention. And she takes certain energies away from them. But that’s OK, it’s not as if they were using those energies for anything much. As forms of vampirism go, this one is relatively benevolent. She brings the music to an end, a long diminuendo, a series of descending melancholy minor chords.

  Jenny would always claim that guitar playing has something in common with chaos theory. A simple movement of her plectrum, a pluck of a string, a movement no greater or more dramatic than that of a butterfly’s wing, would create a signal which could sound as loud, as complex, as elaborate as the sounds that might accompany the end of the world.

  The music starts to evaporate. Smoke and decay and a new silence hang in the air. The customers in the bar are not quite sure what they’ve heard or seen, but they’re suddenly in need, acutely aware that they’re dying for a drink. They huddle around the bar, and the barmaid has a hard time coping with their urgent demands for more booze.

  Nobody applauds Jenny Slade. It wasn’t that kind of performance, but she’s well contented with the audience response. She sits down at a corner table and the manager sends over a beer. The crowd are in awe of her, deferential and too shy to approach her. Jenny slips her guitar into its case and snaps its lid shut with a bold, decisive gesture. Done it. It’s finished.

  Nearby is a young kid, not more than seventeen years old, all Celtic tattoos, multiple piercings, blond hair and dirty denim, a tough cherub. He’s alone at a table full of empty beer bottles lined up like ten pins, but he appears sober. When Jenny looks towards him he turns his gaze aside, but he can’t ignore her when she says, ‘You’re a guitar player, aren’t you?’

  ‘That’s right,’ he admits. ‘How could you tell?’

  ‘The way you watched me play. The way you twitched your fingers.’

  He grins shyly. ‘Yeah, I should stop playing air guitar, shouldn’t I?’

  ‘I’ve got something I want to give you,’ Jenny says.

  He blushes, aware of the sexual innuendo, but he can’t respond, and his embarrassment turns to dumb amazement as Jenny Slade hands him her guitar.

  ‘It’s a
ll yours,’ she says, and she drains her beer and heads for the exit.

  ‘Hey, hey,’ the boy says, and he gets up and pursues her out on to the street. All eyes from the bar turn and look out through the grey mottled windows to watch the dumbshow that now takes place; his mimed reluctance to accept the gift, Jenny Slade’s absolute refusal to take no for an answer. They watch as finally Jenny walks away and the boy doesn’t follow her. The guitar is his, though he has no idea what future comes with it. He is too stunned to return to the bar, and he too wanders off into the night, guitar in hand, but in the opposite direction from Jenny.

  ‘What was that all about?’ Kate the barmaid asks. ‘Of all the juke joints in all the world, why here? What did she want?’

  None of the drinkers offers an answer; they’ve already got enough to think about. That was quite some cabaret turn they just witnessed. They finish their beers and slowly start to drift away. The manager talks of closing early, and Kate begins cleaning up the bar and stacking some of the chairs.

  At which point the door of the bar is thrown open again. This time it’s a plump, uncool lad in a tangle of thick, ill-fitting clothes, laden down with several carrier bags, a briefcase, a rucksack. Greasy hair is tucked in behind his ears and his face shows the trouble he’s having breathing. He’s panting like a greyhound and the sweat pours down the sides of his nose, letting his horn-rims slip so that he peers over the top of them. He’s exactly the kind of nerd the bar’s clientele would normally have a lot of fun taking apart. He speaks only with great effort.

  ‘Am I too late?’ he asks of the almost empty room.

  Nobody responds and he hustles up to the bar. The manager ignores him completely and the barmaid carries on with her stacking, but eventually she calls across the room to ask what he wants.

  ‘Did I miss Jenny Slade?’ he asks, but something in his voice shows that he already knows the answer.

  ‘Was that her name?’ Kate replies. ‘Yeah, you missed a good show.’

  ‘A good show,’ he repeats bleakly.

  ‘Actually,’ she says, ‘it was more than a good show. It was a great show, totally cool. I was completely blown away.’